Rest, Routine, Reflection

1.11 & 12. 2023

I’m combining the 11th and 12th together because I really didn’t do much except try to study and intermittently nap throughout the day.

Just a little glimpse into my morning routine, I have been waking up around 4:30am to 5:30am roughly to get to the gym for an hour, half hour is spent on the treadmill while walking, saying a rosary and praying the Liturgy of the Hours. When I get home, I take a cold shower to shock my system, and then I have my morning coffee. This is a euphoric time because my mental clarity is at its heights and I can journal and read at full capacity.

It took a long time to get to this routine, but I knew I would be slave to other things if I didn’t offer these disciplines to the Lord. I find joy in this routine because it shows me what will power God gives me to be more than just the flesh and comfort.

This has proven more than just becoming an ascetic, but negotiating energy and where my body, mind, and spirit needs rest. I was able to get some amazing sleep in these last couple days which I attribute as also being so much less stressed.

When I left my last church position on December 29,2022, I noticed in myself the anxious need to be in control of matters I cared so much about. I had invested so much of my personal energy trying to save something I realistically couldn’t. This would be such a theme for me. The “Letting-go” process—my surrender. I already was familiar with the routes God had formally chosen for me to do this, but I didn’t know he would combined it with the very place that formed me, my home parish. Working for my home parish for the last almost three years during grad school has taught me to be detached to the things that are most dear to you in order to say yes to the new wineskins of God’s desired path for your gifts.

My whole career up until this moment had been ministry, it runs through my veins. I had an epiphany of recalling that my first role at my home parish during the pandemic was to get the technology and communication up to speed. As the livestream person, for a whole 3-4months I was one of the only people permitted to be before the consecration other than the priest (and sometimes the deacon) in person. Watching the slow gestation of getting the parish back to full attendance was arduous and demanding on my faith. Yet, the grace of God held me faithful to know the mission and the simple tasks. I consider the experience in its entirety extremely humbling.

I believe these days ahead of fun and adventure are a way of God telling me to rest my head for a bit, and to not get wrapped up in the resentment and control that is so tempting to the lay minister.

I am determined to stay present and to watch for His hand as He has never failed to meet my needs. Because of this trust, sleep has been sweet, but sometimes I find my heart restless because it has been awhile since I have met this type of silence, where there is nothing else to demand of me except to embrace it.

Tomorrow is my birthday. My hope for 36 years is to continue to build with the Lord a disposition of presence, gratitude, patience, and readiness to lay open to His Will.